i'm tired of the old shit, let the new shit begin

i wrote this when i was in auckland last november. i did not post it because i wanted to get everything over with first. now that everything is over with (high five!), i have a couple of short notes to post. here is one. for the record, we ended up having our wedding at leura cascades in the blue mountains, two hours west of sydney. there are some pictures on facebook. i might post some here one day, or i can send some to you if you ask me. we also got awesome rings with a meteorite inlay. the family illnesses ended up not great but could have been infinitely worse.

2 nov 2009

so the last few days have been quite overwhelming. a lot of things are up in the air and could end up being either good or catastrophic.

i prefer good.

i have had one of my biggest breakdowns in many years, though thankfully i calmed down quicker than expected. i am in new zealand. i booked the ticket about 25 hours before i departed. yes, this is visa and immigration business and they never fail to disappoint.

also stirring things up have been multiple sudden health problems in my fiancé's family, but it is not really my place to talk about, so i will leave it.

yes, fiancé! there are good things happening too, although if your idea of good is me moving back to sweden (and if so, i certainly appreciate the thought!), you might be disappointed. but yes, some sort of marriage event is coming up. it is incredibly awesome, but also feels just a little bit strange. i never thought i would get married, never thought i was the marrying kind, but when rachel asked i just felt that marrying her was something i really wanted to do. i did not expect that, did not see that feeling coming, and that makes it all the more amazing. i have never thought about how my ideal wedding would be, except my casual thought about how the only way i was getting married would be in vegas and it would be an elvis wedding. and that is not a bad idea, although somewhat impractical at the moment. also i never really had any relation to elvis, except that i like the song "a little less conversation".

some things i might want at my wedding are good music, not too many people and a kickass cake. but i might also skip any wedding event business and put the money into an awesome trip instead. these are both viable options. i don't want to spend too much money on it anyway. oh, and it just occurred to me that rings are an essential part of the wedding thing. i want something simple but sleek. i am not a bling man. not openly, anyway. and certainly not every day of my life, which is how often i will be wearing the ring.

so yeah, a lot going on. ups and downs. i hope the downs straighten themselves out soon.