first, i'd like to address the fact that i'm in a vicious blog challenge with my ol' pal kuma-dude. he is currently in the lead by 1-0, but i'm looking to even things out with this very post. i don't know if i can match his awesome blog skills though, this is a quote stolen from a recent post of his and if you ask me, it is beyond hilarious:
"Leonardo DiCaprio was just on TV, in an ad for some random property development. This was followed by a program where celebrities learn how to re-use a paper cup in various, wondrous ways. Yup, I'm in Japan again."
but maye that's just me. hopefully, it's everyone. how can i match this? i don't think i can! all i have planned for the day is a rant about cheese slicers. yes, cheese slicers.
about three and a half years ago, i Went Vegan. like the creation of the universe, this is widely regarded as a Bad Move. or maybe not, but it's not easy and for a please-everyone type like me, it's hard to say no to so many good things people want to share with me. i still reckon it's the ethical thing to do, but socially it's really hard, since there is pretty much no dish that "normal" people eat that you as a vegan can eat. this forces you to either look like some kind of weirdo who just eats lettuce and mashed potatoes, or to just hang out with vegan copies of yourself all the time, neither of which is very appealing. while there are plenty of mega-delicious vegan dishes, they are not that easy to come by unless you cook them for yourself, forcing you to go diy to a very large extent. this means that living the sweet life as a vegan requires time, planning and love of cooking. and not being lazy. i love cooking, but i don't always have the time, i'm horrible at planning and i'm lazy. 1 out of 4 = does not cut it. also the whole issue of looking like a weirdo at restaurants equally does not cut it. after a year and a half or so of strictly vegan, i once again succumbed to the joys of cheese and eggs. but i digress, severely. the whole point of getting into this subject was that when i went vegan, i demonstratively threw out my cheese slicer to make sure there was no going back. i felt it was an important characteristic of my home as a vegan to not contain a cheese slicer. this was another Bad Move, as there are perfectly delicious and overpriced non-dairy cheeses that would love a taste of the cheese slicer. but out it went.
and so, when i got home a few weeks ago, again living the life of a cheese eater, i found myself unable to consistently make long and thin slices of cheese. so i bought a cheese slicer, the first one i saw, at lagerhaus for 19:-. it is a useless piece of kitchen equipment. it is essentially unable to slice the simplest of cheeses. it makes a very thin slice, is weak and unevenly sharpened. and the sharpest bit is not very sharp. this, my friends, is a useless item. it could not slice a cheese on the sliciest day of the year if it had an electric slicing machine. and it is NEW! i just bought it! why would you make a product like this? have you no pride for what you do? lagerhaus, i'm looking in your general direction. and this is in the country that is supposed to be at the leading edge of technology for cheese slicers! i have gone on and on about the awesomeness of the cheese slicer during my trips around the world, and then i get THIS? me and will made scones at his house a few days ago, and naturally he had cheese to use as a topping, and to slice it he had an obviously leading edge-tech cheese slicer that was rippled. this means that the cheese slice gets less contact area against the slicer, which in turn means that situations where the slice sticks to the slicer and then rips into several pieces when you try and get it off, are avoided. people, this is the stuff we should be concentrating on, not cheese slicers that can't even slice when they're brand new! 19:- down the drain and back to square one.
i'm disappointed and embarrassed.
also, check out dinosaur comics today. it just doesn't disappoint. or embarrass. also, my current favorite song is "i'll believe in anything" by wolf parade. my friend alanna sent me a mix cd a while ago and it had both a live version and an album version and i was absolutely stunned. i still am. funny thing is i have the wolf parade album, i think i bought it in vancouver, but i never really took a big liking to it and i certainly missed the awesomeness that is "i'll believe in anything". luckily, i can make up for it now and listen to it over and over again. perhaps you should too?
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5 comments:
And just like that, the score is even! At least quantitatively; if we were to award points for quality I may just as well throw my keyboard out the window now. And since a) the window is closed and b) I only have a laptop, it's an even worse idea than it would initially appear to be.
So: damnit! And all I've got in store is construction-worker sadism, champagne, and - I'm quite sure you'll back me up on this once it "goes live" - horrible tidings from a horrible place.
Also! It may scare you to learn that I have purchased a cheese slicer this very week! 450 yen at IKEA. No discount yet, I'm afraid. It is not high-tech, but it does slice the cheese, as it were.
Man, this has got to be the longest comment in history. Or something. Anyway, one more thing: Did you listen to I'll believe in anything on repeat for 49 minutes, then 120 more minutes, followed by another 10 minutes, only to end when the cops showed up?
you know, i still prefer a good knife to cut cheese. the cheese slicer is good, but it seems a little too easy, and i feel a much greater satisfaction when i've cut myself a good piece of cheese with a nice knife. then again, since you have a crappy slicer, maybe you can try to master the art of using it well, and hence gain similar levels of satisfaction, or at least lower levels of malevolence towards the slicer. well, a man can dream. now if i only i were a man.
answer #1: wow, you truly are the king of kings when it comes to comments! i am seriously thinking about an ikea cheese slicer. ikea rarely, if ever, disappoints. i'm sure you can tell me how quality is always their (and now your) top priority. also, don't kid yourself about the awesomeness of your blog, for it is indeed awesome.
i did not listen to it for that long! perhaps only help me rhonda can take that kind of play. but it's a damn fine song even if only for 30 or 40 minutes. i would put it up on the interblag were it not for legal issues.
answer #2: the knife is just not as good. additional dishes and lowered precision...it just can't measure up to a top-o'-the-line slicer! but yes, i would prefer a good knife to my current slicer, only problem is all my knives are crap too. a rock and a hard place if i ever were between two. i've come up with a way to get half-decent small slices of cheese that aren't too bad, but...the disappointment is still close to endless. good thing i'm a man and so can dream!
Answer #3, this is to a comment on the previous post:
HOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm sure you can guess which one)
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